Naturally, visiting these places and gaining access to them without the proper authority is certainly going to get a one-way ticket to a very small, dark cell – or shot. So, just for a laugh, here’s our top ten places where you’re really, really not allowed to venture anywhere near for fear of certain incarceration for the remainder of your life, or worse, but you can look them up from the safety of Google Maps.
10 RAF Menwith Hill
Described as the largest electronic monitoring station in the world, RAF Menwith Hill is a communications and intelligence gathering and support facility to both the UK and the US military and ‘other’ agencies; although it is said to be run almost entirely by the US.
It’s a place where the notorious ECHELON surveillance interception program was found to be in operation, and home to one of the most prominent global spying networks as well as being linked to the 406th US Air Force Space Command.
9 Bohemian Grove
Located amid the giant Redwood trees of Monte Rio, California, the Bohemian Grove campsite is the stomping grounds for the Bohemian Club’s all-male members. However, to get an invite you’ll have to rub shoulders with the Rockefeller’s, be an influential billionaire business magnate, or a former US President.
Indeed, the most powerful men in the world are invited in here, to perform all sorts of ritualistic ceremonies and plan world domination. It’s rumoured that the planning of the Manhattan Project was conducted here, with prominent ‘Bohemians’. ‘Weaving Spiders Come Not Here’, as their motto goes, and you’ll find it through searching for Bohemian Grove in Google Maps – however, the location of the Moloch Idol has been removed, but you’ll find it roughly a few hundred yards from then end of Bohemian Ave, near the lake.
8 Pine Gap
The Joint Defence Space Research Facility Pine Gap is located pretty much right in the middle of Australia, and is one of the most secure facilities in the world; you’re not even allowed to fly over it.
It’s a joint partnership between Australia and the US and is rumoured to be in control of most of the US spy satellites, as they pass over China, Russia and the Middle East. It’s also suggested that the CIA actually run the entire facility, and that it’s one of the most UFO buzzed sites on the planet.
The secret underground metro system for the Russian military, codenamed D-6 by the KGB, is one of Russia’s closely guarded secrets.
It’s rumoured that it runs in parallel with the public metro system, but far exceeds the distances. It links the Kremlin with FSB headquarters and is so deep in places that even the most powerful nuclear device would never be able to penetrate it.
This ‘closed’ Russian town is the height of Cold War conspiracy theories. An entire town where the people who live there all work for the secret Russian government and military.
It’s also the site for the Dead Hand Perimeter Project, where Russia can unleash nuclear hell on earth at the drop of a hat. There’s also a rumour that the Russians have a secret underground system that links with Mount Yamantaw, deep in the Ural Mountains, where an underground base is located that no doubt does all sorts of nasty things. You’ll find at 54°03’12.97″ N 57°49’18.63″ E.
5 Area 51
Area 51, or Groom Lake, where would a conspiracy-laden article be without mentioning one of the most infamous of all restricted places. Here you’ll find the USAF testing and training range, where the Lockheed U-2 and Lockheed SR-71 were tested and based. It’s also where the government is stashing alien corpses, UFOs, and, according to rumour, where Velcro was invented.
There’s little else to add regarding Area 51 here, suffice to say it’s not quite as well used these days, and the chances of seeing the Lazar ‘Sport Model’ craft are slim, to say the least. Still, you can look at it from Google Maps closer than you could if you drove up to the sign that happily tells you to get lost.
The Raven Rock Mount Complex in Pennsylvania, also known as Site-R, is one of the most closely guarded bases on US soil. In this six-story underground facility you’ll find secrets galore, and behind the giant steel doors is where humanity will retreat to in the event of an E.L.E., nuclear war or alien invasion.
It’s also just a stone’s throw away from Camp David, where the US President and other high-tier dignitaries are often found relaxing or planning who will survive when the giant space rock hits us. Anyway, you’ll find it at these coordinates: 39°43’52.90″ N 77°25’14.69″ W; look for the two gates into the complex.
3 North Sentinel Island
Located off the coast of Thailand, as part of the Andaman and Nicobar Islands, North Sentinel Island is a little different to those places we’ve already listed. You won’t find any UFOs, secret government bunkers, or alien cadavers here – but you will likely be killed should you step foot on its shores.
North Sentinel Island has been home to a tribe of people for around 60,000 years, and they’ve had barely any contact with the rest of the world in that time. The people have no immunity to diseases from off the island, and they are protected by the Indian Government. Few have visited, and of those, sadly, a number have been killed by the inhabitants of the island.
2 Yongbyon Nuclear Science and Weapons Research Centre
North Korea has appeared to be somewhat stabilised – to a degree – compared to just a couple of years ago. It wasn’t that long since the country fired a test missile over Japan, and its nuclear program has, thankfully, slowed down.
However, that’s all were told by the media. North Korea isn’t the highlighted new focus at the moment, so we don’t really know what’s going on inside a country that has effectively closed itself off from the rest of the world.
It’s not likely that we’ll gain entry to the country, unless you have a specific reason, and it’s even less likely we’ll ever visit the Yongbyon Nuclear Science and Weapons Research Centre.
1 Club 33
At the top of our list is one of the most elusive and secretive places on the earth, which, bizarrely, isn’t an alien test facility, or nuclear experimentation underground laboratory. It is, in fact, Disneyland’s Club 33.
Club 33 is an extremely private area of Disneyland located in the heart of New Orleans Square of the theme park. The joining fees start at forty thousand US dollars, and should you have the spare cash you’ll have to wait a while for your application to process, as the waiting list is now a tad over 17 years long.
Mind you, it does have a full alcohol license, is open every hour of every day of the year and you get a private car park. In addition, you also get the use of the Presidential Car Service, which is a bullet-proof limo that can shuttle you from your hotel direct to Club 33 without anyone being able to view the interior. There’s also a rumour that old Walt himself, cryogenically frozen of course, is situated in a hidden bunker deep under Club 33 – presumably keeping the cellar load of 1811 Chateau d’Yquem chilled.
More super-secret places you’ll never get to see
Intrigued by our vast knowledge of secret locations? Actually, this is what we do when no one is looking, so here are a few more worth Googling:
Mount Weather Emergency Operations Center – This is a place you really don’t want to go to. Why? Well, because if you find yourself in here, then the chances are everyone outside is dead or dying. This is one of those places the rich and important go when the apocalypse hits.
Ise Grand Shrine – These shrines date back to 4BC, although they are demolished and rebuilt every twenty years, and they contain the Yata no Kagami – the sacred mirror. Unless you’re a member of the Japanese Imperial Family, or you’re a high ranking monk then there’s no hope of you ever getting in here.
Room 39 – This is a secret North Korean organisation that’s rumoured to delve into drug smuggling, weapons smuggling and money laundering. Best not dig too deep here.
Ethiopian Orthodox Tewahedo Church – Aside from the occasional exorcism, this small church in Ethiopia claims to house the original Ark of the Covenant. Whether it does or not is up to you as a believer in such things, but rest assured we will definitely avoid any Indiana Jones references.